bego Funny Status Messages

   I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

   So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?

   Hitting the LIKE button on your own Facebook status is like sending a text message to yourself then replying.

   I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

   Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you're an a**hole, but also shows your a lazy f**k that abbreviates a two letter word.

   Ladies: imagine a man who’s rich, handsome, listens well and loves you for who you are. Now keep imagining him, because he’s only imaginary.

   Fri(end) Girlfri(end) Boyfri(end) Br(forever)o

   Rock bottom = Putting saved Taco Bell hot sauce packets on food that is not from Taco Bell.

   I don't care how old you are, When you see a balloon about to hit the floor, you dive too stop that sh*t.

   You're like a Password. Hard to figure out, but I always want to keep trying.

   My relationship status is like my iPad... I don't have an iPad

   A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you.

   Only a few more days until those “yo, 2012 is about to be my year” status updates..

   Sleep with a girl with a spray tan? No thanks. I'll just stick my d$ck into a bag of Cheetos.

   OK, I'm getting out of bed in 10 seconds. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,9,9,9,9,9

   FACT: If you don't own a suit, you get to stay in your twenties forever.

   Waiting for someone to tell you they love you is like listening for windchimes in a hurricane.

   If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you're not naked near enough.

   Every Thursday night I go out, forgetting about last Friday morning.

   They should change wording on “check engine” light to “this shit's gonna cost ya