BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If you are talking behind my back you are in a great position to kiss my a@s

   A slut is fun in everyone's bed. A good girlfriend is only a slut in yours.

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   "She's so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend?"... Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isn't a judgemental c%nt like you.

   Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man

   I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status!

   Hey can I borrow a pencil? "Yeah but it doesn't have an eraser" "Life doesn't have an eraser" "That was deep man.."

   There's always a wild side to an innocent face.

   If I started my own Chip Company, I'd fill the bags to the top!

   Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money.

   If our olympic athletes really eat McDonalds… We're screwed.

   Don't you wish some damn people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are fake and who are real.

   Me: So, you like bad boys? Girl: Oh Yeah! Me: Well, I'm not to impress you or anything but at Walmart I enter through the exit door.

   My girlfriend just texted me saying, "I want you to get me all wet when I get home ;)" So I got 15 water balloons ready.

   It's amazing the places I travel to when I'm talking on the phone.

   Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing mask and gloves. Now you all out here looking like you wanna be starting something.

   If you didn't have my number before you broke, lost, or got a new phone, don't invite me to your "new phone need numbers" group on Facebook. You just make me feel like a jerk when I ignore it

   Your breath smells so bad, I don't know whether to give you a tic tac or toilet paper…

   When I'm bored I like to put on a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks...

   now currently accepting resumes for a Full and/or Part time girlfriend. All applicants may apply within. You will be contacted with a call back if you meet the appropriate requirements. Please send you # at FB mail. Thank you