BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

   No one ever gets tired of loving. They just get tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.

   Ever notice how men insult each other and don't really mean it and women compliment each other and don't really mean it?

   That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a life saber to open it...

   Since I'm now single, if I broke my hand could I put "it's complicated" as my relationship status?

   Single.. because my ex was such a loser..

   I'll never forget from my EX last words: "Are you sure I don't need a parachute?"

   Love is like a soccer ball, everybody runs to have that ball, and when they have it they kick it away..

   Pretending to care about what the birthday card says, but you really just want the money.

   I believe in love at first sight because… I’ve loved my mum since I opened my eyes!

   Girls with tattoos on your boobs, Why? We’re already looking at them.

   Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

   I laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

   Screw love? No, screw the person who made you think that way.

   If I catch my Daughter making a Twerk video with her Leapfrog video camera, imma Beat my DNA out of her!

   I just burned 600 Calories working out to these Insanity Commercials.. I don't even need to buy the DVD's.

   The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand in the relationship.

   Hollister should offer complimentary gas masks and ear plugs when you walk in the store

   If you're 13 & under & have a Twitter, that's cheating. You have to start from Myspace ---> Facebook ---> Twitter. Just like everybody else.

   My back is not a voicemail, say it to my face.