MWC Funny Status Messages

   I'm ready to go mushroom hunting, because I have no morels

   I'm having a love/hate relationship with my antihistamines.

   I feel like I have my cranky pants pulled all the way up to my armpits!

   My wife told me to whisper dirty things to her, so I said "The Kitchen, Living room, Bedroom....

   Most of the lies I tell aren't even true!

   I went to the bookstore and ask the sales woman "Where is the self help section" she said if she told me it would defet the purpose

   When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder. They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.

   Keep the dream alive.....Hit the snooze button 6 times

   Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns and says to the other "Dam"

   Kidney stones, Hemorrhoids, Syphilis, or President...None I want to feel the Burn

   Old Yeller's a book? All this time I thought it was my brother tooth...

   Don't get my attitude confused with my personality. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

   I thought fifty shades of grey was a book about the color on us old people hair

   Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...

   Woke up naked and looking so sexy my shower got turned on.

   Women just complain I mean gripe I mean argue I ........I mean women are smart honey

   Anyone who says they DON"T fart, is full of s hit...

   If it's called Labor Day,why don't we work on labor day and have the rest of the year off?

   Just a reminder that you don't have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.

   Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.