Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   If I were to make a dictionary: CUTE=you; SWEET=you; THOUGHTFUL=you; GOOD LOOKING=you; GORGEOUS=you; LIAR=me!

   Great...now everybody is a damn food photographer. Hope this fad dies out quicker than Planking.

   I checked the thermometer outside. The temperature read "Fuck this shit! Stay in the house!"

   If you're on facebook saying you're at the gym, then you're not doing anything gym related.

   JUSTIN BIEBER: "I'm famous because I have thousands of fans and I am only 18." GOKU: "B!tch I have billions of fans and I don't even exist."

   Damn! Facebook goes through more mood swings and changes than a 18 year old girl........or is it a 21 year old? [ I forgot which one was b*tch!er]

   It turns out if a person looks into your eyes for more than 6 seconds without blinking, he/she wants to either kill you or have sex with you.

   There are no winners when you're arguing to someone about Politics.

   When the World calmly tells you, "Give Up" on your struggles to success, You whisper back and say, "Hell...No"

   *Moments Before Ending A Phone Call: "All right, cool, yeah, ok, haha yeah, I know right!, tomorrow, yep. later man. all right..bye" (click)

   maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"

   NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil

   and (number) other friends doesn't need to change their profile pictures.

   This status update is brought to you by your drug addiction to facebook.

   You know how America votes off contestants on Dancing With The Stars....That would be such a great idea on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

   In America, dating for men is a chore, for women it's a choice.

   Unless you're a steaming hot girl, most people don't really care how your day went. If it doesn't relate to them, then they don't wanna read about it. A friendly Facebook reminder of the STFU Association.

   Kinda funny how a mother goes nuts when her China plates break, but a Chinese person would just make a new one.

   Do girls imagine themselves sucking in a invisible spaghetti when they're about to take a picture?

   Hey John its your grandmother. Could you tell me how to work this cell phone you got me for Christmas? ~ Sent via payphone.