Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 10 of 6383

   messageicon Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it. Probably should have warned her about the new electric fence.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I hear someone say, “my therapist said,” my ears perk way up. That’s free therapy.
←Rate | 04-21-2022 10:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m kind of glad dinosaurs are extinct. Pretty sure I’d try to keep one as a pet.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see someone crying, ask if it’s because of their haircut.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sprinkle profanity in every sentence like its parsley.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And a step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction
←Rate | 06-26-2022 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your relationship fresh by writing each other love notes like, “I considered murdering you whilst ye slumbered in yon bedchambers.”
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would call you an idiot, but that would be insulting to idiots.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendship is being there when someone is feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son: “Dad, there’s a monster in my room, can I sleep in here?” Dad: Look, it’s you he’s after, why make it my problem too.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was sad, so I showed her my boobs. Apparently, that doesn’t work both ways.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just gave me half a peace sign, that’s weird.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a crush on 28 of you, figure it out.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mercury is in reverse cowgirl again.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British
←Rate | 04-20-2022 01:59 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left