Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-01-2013 22:59 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)

X Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-25-2013 21:11 by Maureen Comments (0)

X is Pregnant Kim Kardashian is moaning in a magazine, "Nothing looks good on me" I disagree. A grand piano dropped from a considerable height would.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-13-2013 19:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-07-2013 09:48 by Danmanz Comments (0)

X says I can't get out of bed. These blankets has accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-12-2013 00:48 Comments (0)

X The South Koreans should do a psy-op on the North Koreans by placing massive TV’s at the border blasting Gangnam Style on a continuous loop.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-06-2013 03:46 Comments (0)

X is I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-28-2013 10:30 by REPPIN361TEXAS Comments (0)

X says I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-03-2013 06:11 by Baddie Comments (0)

X I shouldn't have had that 14th cup of coffee... I CAN'T EVEN BLINK ANYMORE!

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-03-2013 10:05 by MWC Comments (0)

X Hate it when girls make me do the walk of shame in the morning. So embarrassing circling my own apartment waiting for them to leave.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-12-2013 10:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-15-2013 18:19 Comments (0)

X says The best part about working directly with the public is that you become fluent in moron.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-12-2013 05:14 Comments (0)

X is I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-19-2013 12:43 by @Seanathon77 Comments (0)

X I tried to say no to the vodka but it was 40% stronger than me

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-21-2013 19:31 by Jackoo Comments (0)

X Everyone needs to understand that the whole world is being played.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-06-2013 03:32 Comments (0)

X says I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2013 11:26 Comments (0)

X I find it highly suspicious that the three bears had the dexterity to buy furniture and make porridge in the first place.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2013 19:43 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-05-2012 09:37 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-02-2013 09:05 Comments (0)

X Wife gets a $20 gift card for Victoria's Secret, spends $380. Husband gets a $10 Lowes gift card, spends $12...

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-05-2013 08:36 Comments (0)