Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Life is an ever expanding list of things that you used to enjoy.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady, are you a Kardashian because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!
←Rate | 09-22-2018 13:14 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when Fall season has shown up. Crappy door wreaths everywhere.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 10:37 by Rick Comments (0)  

   messageicon "YOU ARE FIRED!" - Just me practicing for when Trump is impeached.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 10:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Taught my grandmother that "Jabroni" means "fine young man" and it's made our time out in public way more interesting.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hear reincarnation is making a come back.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 23:06 by Meh! Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we meet in public and you don't look like your pictures ,you owe me booze until you do.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 21:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 19:15 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 11:17 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
←Rate | 09-21-2018 05:58 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My last real fight was with a pizza box that wouldn't close.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 02:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 00:18 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Shrekticles" because, you know....
←Rate | 09-20-2018 20:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can you fill up a room with people without putting a single person in it? .......
←Rate | 09-20-2018 17:33 by Haha Comments (1)  

   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken Pot Pie: my 3 favorite things.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 11:41 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 03:53 by Haha Comments (0)  

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