Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Let them enter the country legally and they can enjoy all the freedom they want.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 22:35 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Hear those bangs and explosions? That’s the sound of freedom. That’s America! Let’s not deny others this opportunity.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 22:16 by Cicci Comments (1)  

   messageicon Don’t send me the 1 pic you liked lemme see the hundred you didn’t like
←Rate | 07-04-2018 21:44 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon The cemical formula for holly water: H2 OMG
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:41 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon My lesbian neighbors got me a timex for my birth day. But I don't think they understood when I said I wana watch.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:28 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:24 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where do crazy people ride their bikes? On a psychopath.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:29 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:26 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gynaecologist: A female private investigator.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:24 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon We celebrate the 4th of July because citizens were armed.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:09 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get it fireworks, people set me off too.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 14:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not today, found a new serial killer documentary.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 14:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can count the number of times I've made my own fireworks on one hand. In fact, I have to.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks Obama, for making me rich, said no black guy ever...
←Rate | 07-04-2018 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Maw & Paw. I've been captured by the blue wave. They actually fed me, clothed me, got me medical attention, and teaching me to read. Total monsters.....Love, your son, Billy Bob.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone at the gym with no headphones on is training to avenge someone’s death
←Rate | 07-04-2018 05:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has he made America great yet?
←Rate | 07-04-2018 02:00 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if he knew his descendent would be a pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees you and your man bun.
←Rate | 07-03-2018 19:57 Comments (0)  

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