Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Every time I try dating I get a new sister.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (2)  

   messageicon So a team part of a red state wins the World Series? Interesting.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:33 by Cardi’shusband Comments (0)  

   messageicon Damn! Sarah Sanders is fat! What a whale!
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:21 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Harvey Weintain has just offered to confort anybody after the gane
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For an 84 year old Chuck Grassley sure can exit a room quickly.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 22:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother-in-law sent me the link to the site where you can buy a boarding pass to Mars. She even offered to pay for the ticket. That's so sweet of her.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 16:14 by FastPhil Comments (0)  

   messageicon How's everyone holding up? It was crazy last night. I must have killed like fifteen zombies. But I still don't understand why they were all carrying bags of candy.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 14:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card & combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 09:01 by Barber Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother in law won "best decorated house" yesterday for Halloween?..she was only opening the curtains?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 08:25 by Trueman Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NYC terror attack comes to you courtesy of the Democratic Party, Barry Obama and the judges he appointed, who've halted Pres. Trump from fulfilling his promise to secure our borders from Islamic terror.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 07:17 Comments (8)  

   messageicon Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 00:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 200 North Koreans died in a tunnel collapse when testing their nukes. Looks like Kim Jong Un is on the US side of the war.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do Millennial kids just trick or treat online?
←Rate | 10-31-2017 13:56 by Barber Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not worried about the Zombie apocalypse that is coming. I'm worried about the Libtard apocalypse that is here now.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 08:33 Comments (2)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not really sure how to get petitions started but I’m a child of the 80’s and want my reboot of The Wonder Years. Shot the same way the original was shot,
←Rate | 10-30-2017 22:57 by DocBrown Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m pretty sure the most dangerous mixed drink is alcohol and Facebook
←Rate | 10-30-2017 20:30 by Todd Comments (0)  

   messageicon You will NEVER find the love of your life, if YOU ARE the love of your life.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 19:36 Comments (1)  

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