Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What’s your favorite Nickelback song? Don’t even pretend you don’t have one or that you hate them.
←Rate | 12-24-2018 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 15:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pictures of missing rich kids should go on the back of skimmed-milk!
←Rate | 12-23-2018 11:48 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking back on all the crap I learned in school.... I’d say cursive writing is probably the least used skill ever taught.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 01:05 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not every friend request as a friend request some are just a surveillance camera
←Rate | 12-22-2018 17:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.
←Rate | 12-22-2018 15:26 by Ky Comments (0)  

   messageicon Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt
←Rate | 12-22-2018 09:02 by Ky Comments (0)  

   messageicon My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes.
←Rate | 12-22-2018 07:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You had me at “we have a warrant”
←Rate | 12-22-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it
←Rate | 12-21-2018 22:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park!
←Rate | 12-21-2018 22:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!
←Rate | 12-21-2018 15:41 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon True love means never having to pick just one hole.
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  

   messageicon My wife said I can't have a flamethrower for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best credit card rewards program is to avoid credit card debt.
←Rate | 12-21-2018 08:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So do we all have the same automatic spell checker? Or am I his only Facebook friend?
←Rate | 12-20-2018 20:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you see me drinking "coffee" from a insulated tumbler in public, then you don't know me very well.
←Rate | 12-20-2018 13:52 by JohnY Comments (2)  

   messageicon Every time I play NBA2k, I’m deeply offended there are no short players with minimal basketball skills. How could I not be represented in a game that has nothing to do with my life?
←Rate | 12-20-2018 11:09 Comments (0)  

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