SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he planned on upgrading his computer to Windows 7. Arnold's response: "I still love Vista, Baby."

   My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

   Professional wrestler name: Office Max. Signature move: Three Hole Punch.

   Grocery store flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

   If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes.

   It's a shame that most things aren't pies. More things should be pies.

   Groupon's slogan should be: "Nothing you want but at least your inbox isn't empty!"

   "Stoned to Death" sounds way more fun than it actually is.

   If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.

   When someone gives you their futon, they are basically saying "you should sleep where my girlfriend got pregnant by some other dude".

   Theoretically, you can't really complain if there's a pubic hair on your everything bagel.

   For $2.20 you can get a medium coffee and a free 14 year supplies worth of napkins at dunkin donuts.

   Can we start counting magazines as books. I'll sound so much smarter.

   I really wanna say "let's set up a perimeter," but I really don't want to be in a situation where I'd have to.

   No more information! We have too much of that stuff.

   There should be a children's song "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your Dad sleep."

   Some call it drug abuse. I say the drugs get what they deserve.

   A 5-year-old is really just an alarm clock without a snooze button.

   Someone just licked their thumb before handing me a paper. I hope my story inspires other victims to come forward.