HiYourJon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 16:03 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..which is why I start my sentences in the middle. 
←Rate | 06-17-2012 23:00 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Fathers Day I made breakfast in bed for my dad. It's extremely hard to cook food while in bed, and now his bed sheets are ruined.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 13:58 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Allstate mayhem guy drunkenly stumbles into the Progressive headquarters, while screaming, “COME AT ME FLO!!”
←Rate | 06-14-2012 14:20 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This lady just said she's naming her baby Nevaeh b/c its Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 11:18 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This salad bar sucks. I must've had like 10 shots of this “Italian Dressing” and I'm not the slightest bit drunk.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 14:55 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags? Ok, maybe I don't know what the word ‘ironic' means.
←Rate | 06-02-2012 13:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon THEY'RE over THERE worrying about THEIR grammar, while YOU'RE right here concerned with YOUR punctuation. YOU'RE welcome TO share this, TOO.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 13:57 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Scarecrow didn't have the brains, Tin Man didn't have the heart, and the Lion didn't have the courage. So Dorothy remained a virgin.
←Rate | 05-30-2012 16:51 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon it true that every girl is a patron bottle away from a lesbian experience? Because they have that sh!t on sale at Costco right now.
←Rate | 05-29-2012 14:22 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: the seven letters of "rainbow" stand for the different colors! Red, arange, iellow, neen, blue, ondigo, and wiolet. I'm drunk.
←Rate | 05-22-2012 00:22 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who over exaggerate literally make me want to shoot myself in the face 287 billion times.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 23:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boss: You drunk? Me: No I'm totally "sober" Him: Did you do air quotes when you said sober? Me: What? No. Look, I need to get back to "work"
←Rate | 05-14-2012 21:46 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep a baseball bat under my bed just incase someone breaks into my house while I'm sleeping and throws a baseball at me
←Rate | 05-13-2012 23:11 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If ur Cinco de mayo didnt end wearing a pirate costume bein chased down the street by Dog The Bounty Hunter, then yours wasnt as fun as mine
←Rate | 05-10-2012 18:53 by Hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that the voice in my head yells whenever I read something thats in all capital letter kinda DISTURBS ME.
←Rate | 05-10-2012 15:52 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to explain to this cop that I was tweeting while driving, not texting. He still wants to know why I'm driving naked.
←Rate | 05-08-2012 23:31 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate people who can't make up their minds. I love them.
←Rate | 05-06-2012 14:41 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies. Want to know if you're pretty? If a male cop has ever given you a ticket, then no, you're not.
←Rate | 05-01-2012 19:41 by Hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say that my analogies are as bad as a candle on a forklift.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 14:50 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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