Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Moment of silence for all the adults who still don't understand sarcasm and satire... they must live lives of constant confusion and trauma.

   My heart says yes but my wife says no!

   If a girl ever tells you to your face that you can’t afford her-listen to her. No matter how rich or poor you are, she is too cheap for you.

   Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!

   My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.

   At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?

   Let's get naked and stay that way for a day. Or three.

   8 out of 10 men don't understand women, the other 2 want to be them.

   Everything's on sale when I'm broke.

   It's amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there's a pill available for it.

   It's ok to admit when you're wrong. Just don't tell anyone.

   Who need's a spouse when you have the Facebook?

   What do I have to do to get sent to your room?!

   Maybe Aliens have not visited us on earth yet because they're all females and they want us to make the first move.

   You lost me at 'you should'.

   The louder you make a women moan increases your chances of having a sandwich.

   America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.

   I learned from the breast. I mean best. I learned from the best.

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that sh*t.

   Sorry I slow-clapped your breakup, couple sitting at the table next to me.