lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   A blind man walks into a shop with his dog. Suddenly,the man picks up the dog by the tail and swings it around his head. The horrified shopkeeper asks "Excuse me,sir?? Can I help you?". Blind man says "No thanks. Just having a look around."

   Snow: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.

   Nudist Camp sign: "Sorry, Clothed for Winter".

   ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue skies..it will be a nice couple of days...

   Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Happy 75th Birthday,Elvis!

   Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.

   .menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?

   ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?

   So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.

   ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...