snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you don't have a dog whistle,,,, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in a month.
←Rate | 07-10-2014 20:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
←Rate | 10-11-2014 07:30 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon * Walk in jury duty.... * Hand both lawyers a copy of my latest status updates..... * Walk out of jury duty....
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one will think you're boring if you walk around wearing a deployed parachute
←Rate | 08-02-2013 19:25 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bucket list is still half Original Recipe,,, and half Extra Crispy.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 08:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking.
←Rate | 06-20-2012 21:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO TIP: Lose friends the quick and easy way by sending group texts.
←Rate | 04-09-2015 17:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
←Rate | 07-04-2015 10:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'.... I'll turn around and look.
←Rate | 01-22-2016 07:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
←Rate | 08-09-2014 21:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least once a year, we should all be allowed to go to Microsoft headquarters and reboot all of their PCs without giving them notice.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 22:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon By show of hands, who's been fooled 3 times and not known who to blame?
←Rate | 12-05-2014 07:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think a UPS truck, is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
←Rate | 06-06-2015 13:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always so funny when the terrorists realize the 72 virgins are actually IT guys.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 18:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi you've reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text
←Rate | 06-17-2015 19:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,,,You knew what you were getting into when you friended me...
←Rate | 05-04-2012 17:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
←Rate | 07-13-2012 05:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am
←Rate | 02-10-2013 14:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 11:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your mother nodding solemnly on Antiques Roadshow as the appraiser explains that the ashtray you made for her in 1st grade is absolute crap...
←Rate | 11-16-2012 20:04 by snotty Comments (0)  



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