snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 01:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you've ever wondered what it's like to be a parent,, Just go in your kitchen, scatter cheetos and sugar. Then yell Stop,, No,, & Don't 300 times
←Rate | 09-25-2012 19:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
←Rate | 10-12-2012 12:41 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 19:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BUMPER STICKER IDEA: I had sex with my wife and all I got was this honor student.
←Rate | 05-26-2015 19:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won't keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
←Rate | 06-03-2015 10:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you hold an empty Old Spice bottle to your ear, you can hear your grandpa complaining that someone touched the thermostat.
←Rate | 10-06-2015 19:16 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep a xylophone on me at all times,, just incase I have to tip toe anywhere
←Rate | 04-06-2013 10:04 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't have a dog whistle,,,, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in a month.
←Rate | 07-10-2014 20:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
←Rate | 10-11-2014 07:30 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
←Rate | 08-09-2014 21:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO TIP: Lose friends the quick and easy way by sending group texts.
←Rate | 04-09-2015 17:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm the only person in this Family Dollar without a neck tattoo....... Wait, a 7yo just walked by,, Yep, still the only one.
←Rate | 10-10-2013 17:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always fun to run out of the bank after cashing a check, and yelling "Go, Go, Go!" as you jump into your car and speed off.
←Rate | 11-29-2013 09:43 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
←Rate | 07-04-2015 10:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'.... I'll turn around and look.
←Rate | 01-22-2016 07:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking.
←Rate | 06-20-2012 21:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon * Walk in jury duty.... * Hand both lawyers a copy of my latest status updates..... * Walk out of jury duty....
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took a nap... Well, actually I was jumping on the bed and the ceiling fan knocked me unconscious,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But still
←Rate | 11-12-2012 17:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one will think you're boring if you walk around wearing a deployed parachute
←Rate | 08-02-2013 19:25 by snotty Comments (0)  




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