Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Roll up to Uhaul store, roll down all the windows, blast "I Like to Move It" until they call the police
←Rate | 06-01-2013 22:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 11:16 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
←Rate | 06-28-2013 13:47 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon @AnissaClingman: Wtf? I opened this huge lawnmower box and there is no Mexican in it. I thought they were shipped together. Dammit! Who's gonna push it? : /
←Rate | 08-01-2013 23:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joe Biden walks nervously into the grocery store by himself for the first time. He asks the clerk, "where are the snowman noses?"
←Rate | 08-10-2013 22:47 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn babe are you Obama’s birth certificate because my mom doesn't believe you exist
←Rate | 08-09-2013 22:42 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The second I named my hangover "dad" it went away
←Rate | 08-15-2013 09:19 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 21:25 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would canada discontinue pennies?? That country doesnt make cents
←Rate | 09-27-2013 10:05 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I set up a smoke machine and played The Undertaker's theme song at your grandmother's funeral.
←Rate | 01-03-2014 15:36 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags? Ok, maybe I don't know what the word ‘ironic' means.
←Rate | 06-02-2012 13:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shooting pool and darts are just sports for alcoholics.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 00:57 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, you collect it” so I wrote to the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”
←Rate | 01-03-2014 15:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If ur Cinco de mayo didnt end wearing a pirate costume bein chased down the street by Dog The Bounty Hunter, then yours wasnt as fun as mine
←Rate | 05-10-2012 18:53 by Hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 15:44 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon God put a woman in the bible and she ruined the whole book in the first chapter
←Rate | 06-02-2013 01:13 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 13:18 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We find the defendant....right there, in the chair next to the defense attorney" "Good work jury, now its your turn to hide"
←Rate | 06-10-2013 15:38 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I REALLY the only person who thought that the national anthem's opening line was "Jose can youuu see!"  up until last year? Seriously?!!
←Rate | 03-08-2012 13:07 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn girl are you a firework because I only see you like 3 times a year & your very pretty & I’m scared to get closer to you.
←Rate | 08-09-2013 22:40 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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