smeebert Funny Status Messages

   100th episode of undercover boss is on and your telling me there are still people out that aren’t suspicious of a camera crew filming them at work. Working on my sob story to tell

   when I think of a selfie, I'm not sure it's the same thing you're thinking of

   Russia is going to the moon, we can't even get to the next state with the price of gas

   I hate it when someone text me to call them, then when you call they never answer

   20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process

   Dennis rodman is the Jane Fonda of this generation

   making "fruitcakes" out of stuff I find under my sofa cushions

   I told you a million times do not exaggerate!

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   Celebrities of old had talent and class! Why then are the likes of the Kardashians and Hiltons considered celebrities when they have neither?

   11 was quite a popular number. Next year it'll be all about 12

   Whoever stole my glasses you WILL be sorry, I have contacts!

   I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute

   To the Maverick detective - Jim Rockford, RIP James Garner

   In memory of 9/11 I am teaching my kids the pledge of allegiance like everyone was taught when I was a kid

   hors d'oevures now there is a word that snooty people like to use regularly, most of us just say "snacks" and we survive the holidays just fine.

   Son when I was young there was no wheels on suitcases, we carried them wherever we went.

   I hope daylight savings time hasn't thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing

   Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards