Joker Funny Status Messages

   I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel .

   Thankful saturday: The saturday after Thanksgiving when all your relatives have finally gone back home.

   The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   Three things I'm grateful for, 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Caller ID to advoid family and friends.

   "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

   The difference between curry and a candle. A candle only burns at one end.

   I'm determind to stay out of debt this new year. Even if I have to borrow the money to do so.

   How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?

   Went for a check up, everything was normal, except the doctor stuck is finger up my butt...... I need to get a new dentist.

   The best way to smuggle drugs across the border is to place them up a dogs butt. That way when the drug sniffing dog investigates, the officer will think that the dog is just being friendly.

   I started a support group for men with erectile dysfuntion. It was a flop and nobody came.

   The older I get, the more sense it makes to have a TV in the bathroom.

   My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?

   My boss just appointed me as his sex adviser. He said " When I want your fu*king advice, I'll ask for it."

   In this cold weather, it's hard to give people the finger when you're wearing mittens.

   it OK to cut in front of someone wearing all Camouflage?

   I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.

   Beer bottle: "Break me and you get one year bad luck." Mirror: "Are you kidding, break me you get seven years bad luck." Condom: Ha ha ha, and walks away.

   My noise reduction feature on my new hearing aid dosen't work..... I can still hear my wife yapping.