Banjaxed Funny Status Messages

   Dear lady in front of me , It is a speed bump , not a freaking land mine

   How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner

   I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears

   OFF is the general direction in which I would like you to Fuck

   It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.

   I may be old but I got to see all the cool bands

   I bought a pair of "Meatloaf" underwear today..on the front it says "I would do anything for Love" and on the back it says "But I wont do that"

   Either you love bacon or you're wrong

   Answered the door today and a giant grasshopper spit in my face and kicked me hard in the shin , I phoned my doctor and he said not to worry , there was a really nasty bug going around

   I was at Mcdonalds today when a rather large woman served me , when she finally gave me my order she said "sorry about the wait" and I said "Don't worry sweetheart , you'll lose it eventually"

   Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them

   I am so sick of Irish Stereotypes ....as soon as I finish this pint of Guinness I'm gonna punch someone in the face

   I locked my coat hanger in the car...it's a good thing I carry a spare set of keys

   My wife decided to take up violin with good intentions but she couldn't decide which chin to rest it on

   My Uncle always told me our side of the family had Irish Alzhiemers , That's where you forget everything but the grudge

   I AM THE BOSS OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY G.........hang on gotta go , I think I hear my wife coming

   AMISH DRIVE BY SHOOTING:................."Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Cop....bang bang bang bang bang bang....Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip clop

   Revenge .....Naaaaa , I'm too lazy , I'm just going to sit here and let Karma Fvck you up

   WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.

   I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it