@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

   I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

   This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.

   A new commandment. Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.

   Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?

   Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.

   I must be getting old. Since when does 2 to 4 inches of snow become a winter storm warning? Back when I was a kid, we just called flurries, and we complained it wasn't enough to even have a good snowball fight, let along close schools.

   Who else's favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."

   Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️

   When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.

   My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.

   It is just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

   If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to my birth weight.

   Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".

   Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.🎩

   I try to live an #adventurous life but its hard to do it with $17 disposable #income a week.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   I watched Bugs, Popeye, and the Roadrunner every day when growing up. This nation is the beacon for the world. Kids today watch cartoons with 0 violence and need safe zone. I fear the future.

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.