Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Before becoming a parent, I never needed a drink :-)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:31 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:28 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew...I was worried that WWF's Superstar Billy Graham past away. Thank God it was the one I don't care about.
←Rate | 02-22-2018 00:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never quit dreaming or you'll never experience a dream becoming true....
←Rate | 02-22-2018 00:19 by RickH. Comments (0)  

   messageicon The self checkout line was invented for a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 22:33 by Austin Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it's really the thought that counts, we're all screwed.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 22:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So have they made a drink called "Tequila Mockingbird" yet? What the hell are they waiting for?
←Rate | 02-21-2018 22:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon See you in hell, Billy Graham.....
←Rate | 02-21-2018 21:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Deja boo - the feeling that you've been afraid of this before.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 21:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because I love fishing.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 21:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every fad becomes a punchline. We build things up jus to knock them down.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 21:32 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do military people say Ten Hut?
←Rate | 02-21-2018 20:17 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I was super lazy today. It’s like regular lazy but I wear a cape.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 19:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please don't tell me you people will bytch and complain to God when you guys find out theres no guns in heaven. If you make it to heaven, that is.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 18:16 Comments (8)  

   messageicon How could remember remember kissing that Gargoyle, Trump? It's an entirely forgettable experience.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon D's promises are as worthless as one of his university degrees
←Rate | 02-21-2018 16:48 by 25the45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uh oh! Looks like students all over the country are supporting democrats and want republicans out. That's what you get for not listening and meeting halfway on issues. I told you so!
←Rate | 02-21-2018 16:05 Comments (21)  

   messageicon My wife says I'm the kind of person she has to warn people about in advance and apologize for afterwords.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 09:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why people with hundreds of friends on FB are spending their time on FB and not with one of them instead
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:34 Comments (0)  


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