Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Red Hen went from 44k likers to 74k on FB overnight...That’s not something that can be countered with one star reviews. But do stay angry, Trump supporters...
←Rate | 06-24-2018 16:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I broke the law by jaywalking. Now I'm afraid the government will put my children in cages.
←Rate | 06-24-2018 13:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pam Bondi Tries To Go The Movies, Gets Shouted Back To Her Car. That's Freakin' Awesome!
←Rate | 06-24-2018 12:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News: Sarah Sanders was thrown out through the window when she was kicked out of the restaurant. She cried like a bytch afterwards.
←Rate | 06-24-2018 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With the gas price so high, it's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere
←Rate | 06-24-2018 07:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laura Ingraham is going broke and I love it.
←Rate | 06-24-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Getting married is the second most popular thing we do in our lifetime. Getting divorce is the first.
←Rate | 06-24-2018 00:58 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you have any Imodium? Me, flirting
←Rate | 06-23-2018 14:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a baker can refuse to bake a cake for people, then a restaurant owner has every right to deny a fat, ugly pig in her restaurant.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 13:32 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I’m at my most delusional when I make a to do list
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a huge advocate of medicinal mozzarella.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't take nude selfies Vodka: Oooh yes, you do.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sexually identify as too tired for this.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s like my grandfather used to say: “The more clit sucking you do, the less nagging you’ll hear”
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From now on, the Red Hen Restaurant is my favorite place, and I will eat there every single day.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationship status: A spider just walked across my thigh and I enjoyed it.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I'm in a liquor store.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 05:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing makes me turn on country music and sit up straight faster than a cop driving behind me.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 05:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.
←Rate | 06-23-2018 05:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if this space force is legit, send up people too overweight to run on the ground just so we can have "pigs in space"
←Rate | 06-23-2018 00:21 by Eddy Comments (1)  


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