SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Alcohol. Because no good story starts with, “This one time I ate a salad…”
←Rate | 09-03-2012 14:16 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon After Labor Day, it's no longer fashionable to wear white, so I'm spending today in a $12,000 Vera Wang Wedding Gown.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 13:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.
←Rate | 08-26-2012 12:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:58 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you come to my front door with a clip board I will just ask you if your clip board is an ipad until you leave.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:55 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 15:55 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 15:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe
←Rate | 08-12-2012 15:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 15:52 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come tragic events never seem to happen to groups of clowns?
←Rate | 08-08-2012 18:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgetful? Can't remember where you put things? There's an app for that, somewhere...
←Rate | 08-07-2012 18:57 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
←Rate | 08-07-2012 18:56 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zombie kids are spoiled rotten.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 00:58 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon A few hours before your dentist appointment, you'll do the best brushing you've done all year.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 19:28 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the dark, it takes several minutes to find the hole and stick it in. Stupid phone charger.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 19:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually, I WOULD wish that on my worse enemy.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 19:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to confession and told the priest I had impure thoughts about other religions.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 19:23 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 19:21 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon We'll be with you soon, starving people of the world, first we need to fight over the ideologies of our fast-food restaurants.
←Rate | 08-01-2012 20:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
←Rate | 07-29-2012 11:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


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