Michael Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!
←Rate | 01-15-2015 10:39 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small" ~ Mrs Grinch.
←Rate | 12-20-2014 11:17 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm sorry your pet died. Can I come over for breakfast tomorrow?" - The world if pigs replaced dogs.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 07:55 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
←Rate | 11-11-2014 11:01 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you sick and tired of having sex? Ask your doctor if 'marriage' is right for you!
←Rate | 11-11-2014 11:00 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favoritte sex position is, "don't tell anyone we did this".
←Rate | 11-11-2014 10:59 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snow peas are just like regular peas except the licky boom boom down.
←Rate | 10-28-2014 08:02 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night my son wanted me to take him to see scary monsters at a haunted house, but I needed beer. We compromised and I took him to Walmart
←Rate | 10-23-2014 07:51 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon "You know. If I had a son, he'd look like Hunter Biden and would do blow off a secretary's tramp stamp on a Naval base" ~ Barack Obama
←Rate | 10-17-2014 09:01 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I have learned about women has come from a pamphlet in a tampon box.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 08:57 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently sex burns off the same number of calories as running 5 miles. Who the hell can run 5 miles in 30 seconds?
←Rate | 10-10-2014 08:50 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the things my phone can do, its ability to make me look busy while in an elevator with people who think I want to talk to them is my favoritte.
←Rate | 09-12-2014 13:33 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon You all need to listen to Ray Rice cover Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator". Its going to be a bit hit.
←Rate | 09-08-2014 15:28 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon it really fair to say that Joan Rivers died at 81? Most of her wasn't even old enough to drink.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 07:54 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just changed my iTunes password to "password".... and now I just have to wait for all of my nudes to be leaked.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 11:31 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got three "BREAKING NEWS" notifications on my phone that two celebrities got married. This is why the rest of the world hates America.
←Rate | 08-28-2014 10:17 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Burger King has accepted the Tax Duck-it Challenge. They have no challenged Yum Brands, Panera Bread, and White Castle. You have 24 hours or you will have to donate $8 billion to Obama's Economic Patriotism initiative.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 09:22 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the Miami Heat lose LeBron James to the Cleveland Cavs... so what!?! Let me know when they lose Justin Bieber to steam roller.
←Rate | 07-11-2014 13:45 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon An app that displays the word "Yo" on a freinds lock screen... and that's all it does has raised over $1 million. In related news, I no longer want to live on this planet anymore.
←Rate | 06-20-2014 08:42 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon LeBron James needs to sign with a WNBA team where its okay to puss out of a game because of cramps.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:21 by Michael Comments (0)  


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