@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]
«Previous
1

Search results for status messages containing '@UncleBSolomon': View All Messages
Page: 1 of 4

   messageicon Kicked out of another coffee shop it had a "no wifi pretend it's the old days" sign. So I lit up a smoke & pay 50 cents for coffee.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 00:44 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new commandment. Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
←Rate | 11-08-2017 21:26 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone] Me: I'm having an affair
←Rate | 11-04-2017 20:40 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brother came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.
←Rate | 11-03-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Mrs is visiting her mother this weekend, so the dog and I are smoking cigars and playing poker. In our underware!!!!!
←Rate | 08-07-2017 09:48 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 19:41 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was watching the old Night of the living Dead. I though how awful that would be. All those smoke detectors beeping from low batteries.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 11:38 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonight the Mrs and I are having Netflix and Hide from adult responsibilities
←Rate | 07-13-2017 12:20 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 09:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: All the toilet paper in the NSA headquarters has the 4th Amendment printed on them.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 20:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (3)  


   messageicon Imagine: Naked in a room full of people who speak a different language & everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog. 🐕
←Rate | 06-17-2017 12:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish we lived in a better world. A world where I can order mozzarella sticks, and not get judged or quetioned when I ask them to put cheese on them
←Rate | 06-07-2017 10:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
←Rate | 04-13-2017 18:59 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
←Rate | 04-09-2017 23:52 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 21:16 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to my birth weight.
←Rate | 03-29-2017 20:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.
←Rate | 03-29-2017 01:55 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been putting Root Beer in a square glass all evening. I'm still not drunk.
←Rate | 03-23-2017 07:58 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lights are dimmed. Sexy music plays. She runs her fingers across my scar. I whisper, "I got that when I fell off the toilet," .
←Rate | 03-22-2017 12:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


«Previous
1

[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left