Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Here are 5 things you should know about me: 1. I’m very secretive
←Rate | 03-22-2019 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"
←Rate | 03-22-2019 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm an 80-year old woman, and I shaved and cleaned down there in case Donald Trump comes over.
←Rate | 03-22-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon john doe
←Rate | 03-22-2019 10:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beto is like the guy that gets cut from the High School football team and says now he's going to join the NFL
←Rate | 03-22-2019 10:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife asked me "What was the last movie you watched that made you cry?" "Our wedding video." was not the right answer.
←Rate | 03-22-2019 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The jack@as at the bar just told me I would look good with my panties around my ankles...Pfft! There is No Way I'm digging through my purse to find them.
←Rate | 03-22-2019 07:19 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Please, please, please, can someone please explain to me how it makes you a traitor to choose what's best for the US over your party, like how John McCain did!
←Rate | 03-21-2019 22:09 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Life lesson 249: A short temper is not a sign of strength.
←Rate | 03-21-2019 12:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just so everybody's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
←Rate | 03-20-2019 11:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the dumbest thing you ever believed as a child? That people above 18 years of age are automatically adults.
←Rate | 03-20-2019 00:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I put my fitbit on the refrigerator handle. Amazing, my daily activity has increased 10 fold....that's the ticket....
←Rate | 03-19-2019 23:16 Comments (1)  

   messageicon My noise reduction feature on my new hearing aid dosen't work..... I can still hear my wife yapping.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 20:46 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cop: Sir,do I have your permission to search your vehicle ? Me: If I say no,will you bring the K-9 unit out ? Cop: Yes ! Me: Can I pet the dog ?
←Rate | 03-19-2019 20:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‪I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison. ‬
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 12:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm Irish for a day.
←Rate | 03-17-2019 13:26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon To celebrate St Patrick's Day, I think I'll go to my favorite Irish restaurant. McDonalds.
←Rate | 03-17-2019 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one hits me with an egg and gets away with it!
←Rate | 03-17-2019 00:04 Comments (0)  


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