Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I talked to God, and oh boy, is he ever pissed off at conservatives. I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 18:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A wheel works. A wall works. To bad you don't work.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 17:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've had a TERRIBLE day. The only thing that will help are YOUR BOOBS!
←Rate | 01-16-2019 17:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Americans, try to remember when you next go to an all you can eat buffet, It's an offer, not a challenge!
←Rate | 01-16-2019 16:08 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon [Returning a mattress] ME: Yes, I was told this was king size, but my child is 3 feet tall and somehow takes up all of it.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I drink I can't type worth sh1t. But I can butt dial like a pro.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:17 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't rise and shine, the best I can do is get up and gripe.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:14 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon WRONG Wall-nut. Walls are older than the wheel. Cave people had cave walls that they drew on way before the wheel was invented.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 13:10 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I work in Customer Service because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel sorry for those poor athletes who thought they were visiting the White House, and instead wound up at White Castle. #hamberders
←Rate | 01-16-2019 00:22 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Y’all ever inhale a dog's fart and think “this is it, this is how I die.”
←Rate | 01-16-2019 00:21 Comments (1)  

   messageicon C’mere. Smell my finger.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 00:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wall-nut thinks that the government people not receiving pay checks agree with him 100%. Yea, right !
←Rate | 01-15-2019 18:20 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Oh wow, According to him, all cars have wheels. Did you know that ?
←Rate | 01-15-2019 17:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon He claims to be a professional at technology, yet he can't close an umbrella.
←Rate | 01-15-2019 17:14 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I am gonna order 1000 hamberders and make Taco Bell pay for them!
←Rate | 01-15-2019 15:01 Comments (5)  

   messageicon The rich man glories in his greed; the humble man feeds hundreds and stays silent.
←Rate | 01-15-2019 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spent the last night defrosting the fridge. Or, Foreplay as she calls it.
←Rate | 01-15-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  


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