Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.

   There. Summer is over. Hope you're happy you pumpkin spice loving psychos.

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering... please hold while I load my next thought!

   Q. How does a non-binary kill someone? A. They slash Them

   It's finally October! Which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house just became Halloween decorations.

   Bats are just Halloween butterflies. That's all.

   If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.

   "She doesn't pick the popular Pennsylvania governor. She doesn't pick the astronaut. Instead, she picks the Geo. Phloyd riot guy"

   When I was younger, Freddie Krueger was so freakin' scary. But he doesn't even come close to Dunning-Kruger.

   Flooding in the Carolinas is God's wrath on New York/New Jersey transplants for thinking they can assimilate with hillbillies.