Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I guess we are going to see "The Nutcracker" on Saturday! My mother-in-law, not the play.......
←Rate | 12-15-2018 00:20 by JeffW Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you touch your phone in the right places a hot pizza will arrive at your door!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 01:26 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 08:46 by vaterpop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t tell me I can do anything I set my mind to. You don’t know me.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them!
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:45 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon What am I getting you for Christmas? A sense of humour. I am getting you a sense of humour.
←Rate | 12-19-2018 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am employed by the Gov. and have first hand knowledge.. Donald will not get axed. Now go back to work and pay your taxes.
←Rate | 12-19-2018 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.
←Rate | 12-13-2018 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they’re medicine now
←Rate | 12-09-2018 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how did Amish.com happen?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 21:15 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turning on your lights and sirens after losing a drag race is just poor sportsmanship
←Rate | 12-06-2018 16:05 by T Comments (0)  


   messageicon So what are we being offended by today? Sorry I missed the morning briefing.
←Rate | 12-17-2018 14:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
←Rate | 12-07-2018 18:12 Comments (1)  




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