Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 23:06 by Meh! Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not the sort of person who is in a position to cast the first stone, but I sure as hell will cast the second one.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 20:22 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a big difference between a wise guy and a wise man...
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm back for a 3 month break. So, what's new over here?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 18:15 by R-A-Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does a white man using chopsticks to eat count as cultural appropriation?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 11:26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 17:55 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brett Kavanaugh just claimed to be a virgin until his mid to late 20's...sounds about right to me.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 19:14 by JumboJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 19:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just realized that as a man.... I’m Emma Stone hot.... and I’m okay with that.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 00:09 by Meh! Comments (2)  

   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  

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