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abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages
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Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.
If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.
If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.
Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
My lady asked me if we could go out to somewhere expensive the other night, so I took her to the gas station.
Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day this year, I'm celebrating Discount Chocolate Tuesday.
Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.
Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside.
Ever want to answer every question with a middle finger? That's kinda where I'm at today.
If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.
I've decided to get rid of my bad habits...just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.
If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.
There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where you can take what you just said back.
People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
"Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.
When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.
Note to self: Never make a sarcastic remark to someone who is really angry, unless you're prepared to run like hell.
Life's too short to wake up in a bad mood- I save mine until I get to work.
Whenever I don't hear from someone in a while I think, "Oh, sh$t They found out."
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