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X says “Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.
X says AbbyBaby Kurt New pregnancy test for black woman was just released on the market. Insert banana in vagina, then remove after 10seconds. If banana is half missin, there's another monkey on the way!!!
X says if you are reading this status between 7AM and 5 PM--Get a Job!! OR-- Get back to WORK!!
X says They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
X says Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.
X says You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry."
X says If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.
X says Telling me to calm down is the only guaranteed way to piss me off.
X says Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.
X says I just got a text from a wrong number that said "I think my ex is stalking my friends"... so I replied back "No I'm not."
X says Getting 3 inches of snow per hour. My front yard looks like Charlie Sheen's coffee table.
X says I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.
X says Damn!! My internet is running slower than a turtle with 3 broken legs and a massive head injuty--doesn't it know that I am a FB addict?
X says When the I in "I love you" becomes more important than the "you," the word in the middle just fades away.
X says My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.
X says If you got attacked by a bunch of homeless people would you be bummed?
X says Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
X says Thank you music, for being there when no one else was.
X says I'm about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
X says There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where you can take what you just said back.