santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.
←Rate | 02-17-2020 08:01 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today’s the start of the “Christmas hangover.” The holidays are over and everyone is getting their credit card bills. I just got mine and I can’t believe I spent that much on the Thigh Master.
←Rate | 01-18-2020 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.
←Rate | 01-11-2020 19:06 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just stole it.
←Rate | 01-10-2020 16:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"
←Rate | 01-01-2020 10:23 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99
←Rate | 12-31-2019 06:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....
←Rate | 12-30-2019 16:25 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".
←Rate | 12-30-2019 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.
←Rate | 12-28-2019 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon For Sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Cheap. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.
←Rate | 12-28-2019 00:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...
←Rate | 12-26-2019 15:43 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.
←Rate | 12-26-2019 11:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 20:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!
←Rate | 12-25-2019 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:30 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you know anyone home alone for Christmas let me know! I need to borrow their chairs...
←Rate | 12-24-2019 18:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus without a Facebook reminder.
←Rate | 12-24-2019 11:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it, Eve? What I'm trying to say is: Merry Christmas Eve.
←Rate | 12-24-2019 10:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


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