Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wondering why people with hundreds of friends on FB are spending their time on FB and not with one of them instead
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon RelationSHIPS sink when they have too many passengers
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being lazier right now than the guy who designed the Japanese flag
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Worlds shortest joke- "Two women are sitting quietly"
←Rate | 02-21-2018 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If April showers bring may flowers. What does mayflowers bring? Pilgrims
←Rate | 02-21-2018 01:38 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 01:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do don's ties come from thailand?
←Rate | 02-21-2018 01:16 by 25the45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife asked if I could pick up milk on the way home, so I flexed both arms to reassure her
←Rate | 02-20-2018 22:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Origami was invented by a guy who kept running out of toilet paper
←Rate | 02-20-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a cop shoots a thug everyone blames the person. When a kid shoots a school, everyone blames the gun...
←Rate | 02-20-2018 22:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon What’s the difference between a gun and an snowflake? A gun only has one trigger.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 21:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need a gun to make me feel like a big man because nothing else makes me feel like a big man.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 20:32 Comments (3)  

   messageicon so..when a cop arrests a mentally I'll person does that mean their busting a nut???
←Rate | 02-20-2018 19:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey, I know. Let's make it real hard for people to murder other people.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 19:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey I know, lets pass a law that bans murdering people.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 15:43 Comments (22)  

   messageicon This program has been brought to you by Smirnoff Vodka. Smirnoff...soon to be the official drink of the USA.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 15:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I helped a little old lady with a new 60 in. TV cross the road this afternoon. The guy in the car next to me even joined in as we honked our horns repeatedly.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 14:37 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I'm just a guy in a bathrobe.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Michael Moore joined a protest against Trump colluding with Russians, and now we know the protest was organized by Russians
←Rate | 02-20-2018 08:37 Comments (6)  


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