Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon With "HIM" as our leader, marijuana should be legalized in every state to help us cope with him as being our leader.
←Rate | 01-20-2019 19:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congrats to the Los Angeles Refs, NFC champs.
←Rate | 01-20-2019 18:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who the hell told Cardi B that her opinion matters when it comes to our country? We live in some sad times. Also a picture of an egg is the most liked picture EVER on Instagram. Sad SAD times!!!
←Rate | 01-20-2019 14:27 by Meh! Comments (2)  

   messageicon No one in DC cares about doing what's right, they only want the opposite of what the other party wants...
←Rate | 01-20-2019 13:09 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm pretty sure the hotel receptionist was checking me out!
←Rate | 01-19-2019 16:01 by Trickz100 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gorillas don't lift. Think about that. Take a minute and think about that. What if they discover push-ups one day? We need to kill them all.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 11:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silence is golden. Unless you have teenagers. Then it becomes suspicious.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 06:59 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 06:56 by Joker Comments (2)  

   messageicon The only time I would tell wall-nut to keep going, is if he was walking out to the end of a pier.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 01:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For someone who eats a lot of them, how could of spelled it "HAMBERDERS" ?
←Rate | 01-18-2019 23:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"
←Rate | 01-18-2019 16:13 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK. What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
←Rate | 01-18-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess border wall funding wasn't a priority when we had a working gov't and a Rep Congress the last 2 years...
←Rate | 01-18-2019 10:52 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Here's an idea. How about if every person who doesn't want a wall will have to pay a fine? Sort of like Obamacare.
←Rate | 01-18-2019 09:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The real reason for the government shutdown. He can't get arrested by the government if it is shutdown.
←Rate | 01-18-2019 04:19 Comments (7)  

   messageicon Pelosi, first senator to make the no fly list. . .
←Rate | 01-17-2019 23:18 Comments (2)  

   messageicon My new coffee mug now says "Don't even talk to me until I've had my paycheck".
←Rate | 01-17-2019 14:39 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Birdbox, but it’s just me yelling at you not to look when the lights accidentally come on during sex.
←Rate | 01-17-2019 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there are no snacks, don’t even bother inviting me to your orgy.
←Rate | 01-17-2019 12:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I thought 23 & me was a doumentary about Michael Jordan spending time with an old lady.
←Rate | 01-17-2019 11:09 Comments (0)  


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