paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

   I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

   Just saw a girl in a plain push wheelchair holding on to her guy's motorized wheelchair and rolling behind him. Dude, she's using you.

   My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.

   Aw sh!t…im the only black person in my african studies class. This could be awkward…

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   My Dad is taking ownership of my phone for a day so if you could refrain from sending me texts like "F&ck me gently with a chainsaw"(2:30am) then that would be fantastic

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, I knew it was time to go.

   I dont see why facebook feels the need to notify me everyday that some of you have changed your profile picture. Unless your naked...I dont give a sh%t

   no woman will ever be truely satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money…

   U love someone and you marry someone else. The one you marry becomes ur wife and the one you love becomes the password of your email

   How come a “drunk” girl on my facebook is able to enter her username and password correctly but when it comes to writing a status she types “90]]]]]]]]]POSPASFD@#”

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   without freedom of speech we would never know who the a$$holes are

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.