mark Funny Status Messages

   Tim Tebow is the most talked about white Bronco since the O.J. chase.

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!

   A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.

   Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?

   Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/

   Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."

   Breaking News: U.S. Terror Alert Level is now raised to “Confetti”

   I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them. It's a thankless job....

   A 24 hour weather channel? Why? We had the same thing like that when I was growing up... it was called a window...

   played golf today...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

   I thought I'd join the neighbor hood watch but my neighbors aren't that attractive..

   Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.

   the only person in history to beat my niece at Wii tennis! Yes, I made her play left-handed, but I don't think that should lessen the significance of my victory.

   My wife isn't speaking to me. All because I didn't open the car door for her. I guess I just panicked and swam to the surface.

   Fun Fact of The Day: Barbies get fat too, if you microwave them

   Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command.

   I wonder what a camel thinks of when he looks at his toe...

   Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to your kitchen cabinet and remove the box of aluminum foil. Wrap foi laround your head, stay calm, and breathe through your left nostril. This is a serious problem. Copy & pas

   I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

   Due to slow sales, Apple CEO Tim Cook has been given a 15 percent pay cut. Or as Cook is spinning it, he’s coming out with a thinner more lightweight wallet.