jw Funny Status Messages

   NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.

   The line was a little long at my pharmacy so I grabbed my cell phone and pretended to call someone. The line emptied quickly when I described my contagious rash and the fact that no doctor had found a medicine that would cure it yet. Good times.

   People who say I am hard to shop for evidently don't know where to buy beer.

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   I misunderstood the nighborhood MILF when she told me she was heading to the polls. I didn't see her grinding at the strip club.

   ‎"You see football takes concentration and skill....SQUIRREL!!!!" - Wade Phillips/NFL Head Coach

   Pulling out of Paris should be a porn, not a reality

   I'm so good at sleep, I can do it with my eyes closed...

   I don't think allowing the mentally I'll people to obtain guns is making America great. Now I don't feel safe anymore.

   about to beat my di@# like it owes me money.

   Beyonce has more African American people in her belly than Trump has in his cabinet.

   Trump really trying to take credit for Obama's 227,000 added jobs in January? Smh.....

   Nickelback-Flash…..Why would Tiger Woods risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?......then again why would any guy risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?

   My wife is mad at me because I dropped a channel in protest of the NFL. Oh I’m keeping red zone I dropped QVC

   your "sofa king we todd did"