brent Funny Status Messages

   I hate when I have a dream about fighting someone and then waking up and being pissed at them for no good reason

   Just saw an article on yahoo that said "Little unknown facts about the Royal Wedding". I have a little unknown fact for you yahoo, no one gives a shit about the Royal Wedding.

   We never do anything nice and easy, we always have to do it nice and rough.

   Who drinks only one beer? Mrs. Bud Light needs a companion in my belly and she likes to speed date.

   They tried to make me go to rapture and I said no, no, no.

   "I should of gotten an A in English class". No, you shouldn't HAVE

   I hate when my hairdresser tries to sell me products. I nod as if I like my hair being spiked and then when they go to ring me up they ask if I want the gel and I have to awkwardly reject them as a person.

   What the hell are chocolate diamonds good for if I can't eat them?

   Who spelled Licorice that way? It sounds like rice got some lice not delicious candy

   Big trucks should only be allowed to drive in one lane and we will call it the sucky driver lane

   President Obama should of shoved his birth certificate up Donald Trump's @ss

   I have beaten so many Japanese people tonight on Mario Kart Wii that they are going to start referring to me as Godzilla

   Macho Man died today. He is survived by his wife and their one son Koolaid Man.

   A woman is suing Chuck E Cheese because it leads to "compulsive gambling". That is like suing Walmart for "compulsive uglyness".

   Rebecca Black's fame only lasted 2 Friday's

   Just call me angel of the morning angel, just touch my cheek before you leave me

   Kevin Durant, it is time to take your backpack and go home!