Timboss Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when I get pissed, SLAM the door, storm out of the house.. then realize I have to go back in for my car keys..

   just spent my Saturday watching commercials on AMC interupted by 10 minutes segments of movie..

   I'm sorry Febreeze.. I don't believe the commercials where you take the two blindfolded women into a crack house and the kitchen with the decaying meat tray and they smell Yosimte National Park.. :-/

   The only reason I would want to see Donald Trump elected as president is so we could see what his hair does when he gets off of that big helicopter...

   Back in my day they never shut our school down for snow.. They just moved the school and made us walk further..

   taking a trip to the "far side" today.. Yes.. I am going to Wal-Mart..

   Attention Al Qaeda recruits: Due to recent events, practice on the hand over hand monkeybars will be cancelled indefinitely.

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..

   Just some helpful advice.. If someone shows up at your job with a camera crew and says they are doing a documentary about your job... you're probably on an episode of Undercover Boss..

   Dear Osama bin Laden... WINNING! .. Yours truly, Charlie Sheen..

   Due to the politcal climate in America today, all "Target" stores will be changing their names to "Objective"

   So my boss told me I was well rounded this morning... I didnt know whether to thank him.. or punch his lights out..

   resisting the new profile page.. Read the signs people! Today, your profile page.. tomorrow the world!

   My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.

   I wish I could be as enthusiastic about life as my dog is about the arrival of the mail man..

   hates it when the doctor tells me I'm going to feel a slight sensation... *shudder*

   Gee honey, I would have taken the trash out.. But I slipped and fell into the lifeboat..

   People please!! It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new, glowing, ticking kind of world..

   Sonny Corleone would still be alive today if he'd had a pike pass.