Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!

   When I was younger I used to sneak out Of my home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.

   Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"

   My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

   I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.

   Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!

   it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?

   Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift!!

   Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?

   ATTENTION: Due to BBQ setbacks, my ripped beach body Will be postponed another year. Thank you for understanding.

   FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.

   If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

   I cut the swooshes of my nike socks and sold them to my neighbours wife to use as eyebrows.

   Imagine having an IQ low enough to enjoy watching love island.

   When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!

   Never trust a person who doesn't sing along to Bohemian rhapsody when it comes on the radio!

   Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!

   My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest......GO".

   "what did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" ( Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my wife.)

   Most people wake up feeling like a million bucks, me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.