Omen Funny Status Messages

   OLYMPIC GYMNAST 2012: Jumps 20 feet in the air, defies all laws of physics, does 10 backflips, defeats voldemort, comes back down and lands perfectly on the balance beam while fireworks go off in the background. ME: I fall on face as I try putting socks

   WELL THE YARD SALE WENT WELL ......$27,000 DOLLARS .......WE WILL BE OFF TO MIAMI FOR A FEW DAYS .....I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WHEN THE NEIGHBORS NOTCE THEIR BARBEQUE GRILLS, PATIO FURNITURE AND POTTED PLANTS ARE MISSING ..... TA TA !!!!!

   Okay all of Facebook, here goes the beginning of two more days about who died in Hollywood. Yes, we all want to know, everyone at once. BEGIN!

   Yes your girlfriend is beautiful and I totally dig that you guys just met, BUT, He is my neighbor and works in a drag club.

   Why does FB show me people I "may" know, LAWD these are ugly people, stop it!

   If you ever see me in person, don't poke me. In real life I loathe when folks do that. Unless you give me the numbers and expiration date first on your card and you show me 2 ID's.

   Facebook must be prepping for upgrade, the new one will suck you in faster than a Hoover vac held by a prisoner who hasn't seen a woman in 20 years!

   Bless me father for I have sinned, my last confession was over 3 years- oh damn the roof is caving in HELLLPPPPP!"