Lesley Funny Status Messages

   Alright, Captain Morgan, I'll make you a deal....I'll stop drinking when you put your foot down.

   I have a lot of people in my phone with the last name "FromTheBar".

   I'm no genius, but I am smart enough to know that there is no ''x'' in the words ''especially'', ''espresso'', or ''ask''.

   I just googled the word ''anagram'' and it said, ''Did you mean: nag a ram?'' Well played, Google. Well played.

   Wow, I have a lot of people named "Do Not Answer" in my phone...

   Dear future politicians, If one of you promises to synchronize a few traffic signals around here, you'll get my vote. Sincerely, Taxpayer #317.

   Parachute for sale. Used once. Never opened. Small stain.

   Sarah Palin has a new reality TV show. Now all she has to do is enter reality.

   I love Beer. I would marry Beer if I could. ''Do you, Beer, take me to be your awfully wetted wife....until a DUI do us part? I LOVE YOU, BEER!"

   If the best part of waking up is Folgers in my cup, I don't think I wanna wake up.

   Dear people: Stop drunk texting. Sincerely, Cell Phone Companies