JaxWylde Funny Status Messages

   Remember when WWE finally came out and admitted that everything was staged and that it was entertainment... and how crushing it was for people who still thought it was real?... I'm awaiting politicians to make the same announcement...

   I can't wait until next weekend's episode of the best reality show on tv... So You Think You Can Ref...

   ‎[Status update only available to Facebook® Gold™ account holders]

   In Store Special - "You're My One and Only" Valentine's Day cards... 4 for $5...

   whenever I start to get tired of being single... I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like.

   If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!

   The U.S. is moving closer and closer to defaulting on our debt... maybe we should ask Citibank, Bank of America and GM to bail us out...

   The only thing more interesting than the royal wedding is... Ooh look, the dog is chasing his tail again!

   I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Shark Week

   Every time I give up something for Lent... my friends encourage me to break it... When I give up alcohol, they buy me drinks... when I give up sweets, they bring me candy... so this year I am giving up sleeping with women...

   You know who was hurt the most in this whole ordeal by name association alone... the residents of Sandusky, Ohio... And the American workers at Callahan Auto... they make the best parts money can buy...

   now that the Chilean miners are out... any chance we can put the Jersey Shore cast in?

   I met a cute girl in the tampon aisle today... so I asked if she'd be free to go out for dinner in 5-7 days...

   There would be no limits to what a man could achieve... if he were to apply the same level of focus, persistence and dedication to his daily life... that he does when drunk and trying to convince a hot lesbian to sleep with him...

   Well... it finally happened. I got a notice that I am being sued by Metallica for $1.3M not paying for their music... I never pirated their music... but I never bought an album either, so I guess that's the complaint.

   I wonder if the first guy who used the pickup line “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and I together” is the same guy who invented the qwerty keyboard...

   "i don't really like blow ups... they just don't do it for me." -overheard in the Christmas inflatables section of Target

   Canadian rockers Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are separating after 2 years of marriage... which I think is 4.4 after converting from metric...

   I don't always watch porn... but when I do... I prefer Tres Equis... Stay horny my friends...