FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United

   Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.

   i will never buy a foam finger again !

   I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.

   when did the world give up on Common Courtesy

   i have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

   My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited.

   I HAVE SEEN MORE of tiger woods on facebook today than him on the pga tour in years

   what wine goes with Mood Stabilizers

   Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!

   still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk

   Colorado Legalizes Marijuana and peyton manning buys 20 papa johns stores in Colorado! some people just get it!

   Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow

   I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.

   buying bottles rockets and crown royal! good day to be a grown-up

   Diet is going great! No hostess snack cakes at all this year

   my life coach told me to just let the clock run out!

   Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?

   I need to stop lying to myself !!! This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween !

   Due to the election I may start a moving co.