BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

   Driving a rental car means never knowing the safest place to wipe a booger without haphazardly finding someone else's.

   My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster

   When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?

   You know it's going to be a great story when it starts out with "So, this damn bi&ch..."

   I wish weekends went by like microwave minutes

   If you play a Nicki Minaj song and a Snoop song at the same time, you can understand what they're saying

   t’s true we don’t know what we’ve got until its gone, but we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives

   “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?

   She: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? He: No. I think that's imagination.

   I wish my past could be my future

   Yellow, Orange, Red. Gatorade has colors, not flavors.

   I hate when people only talk to me when they need something.

   It appears I'm friends with at least 200 babies on Facebook.

   The whole concept of Halloween is wierd. Everyone dresses funny and total strangers reward them with candy.

   I don't need anger management -I need people to stop pissing me the hell off!!

   You say: "I now pronounce you man and wife". I hear: "FINISH HIM!!" (Mortal Combat music blasting)

   My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.

   I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

   Some people are just not worth my energy.