BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My EX was like "We can still be friends" damn is like saying "Hey, the gold fish died but we can keep it"

   I liked you when we first met but, since then, you've talked me out of it.

   Does AT&T allow phone calls on their network? Anyone know?

   Look down at your chest, a little to the left OK - that's where i'll always rest.

   Eighteen is too young to get married! You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your damn marriage work?

   I think I had my zipper down when I slapped my girlfriend at Walmart. I could hear people murmuring,"OMG what a d$ck!"

   Hey graffiti artists, how the hell did you get up there?

   I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   If I had $100 for every time I read something interesting on my Facebook feed, I'd be very poor.

   I only have a home phone so I can find my cell phone.

   Spotted on the back of a T-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: If you see me running, try to keep up.

   Some guy screwed you over? Would you like to explain how the whole male population is responsible for this?

   You say “I'm sorry,” I hear “I surrender.”

   Skinny jeans should not have pockets.

   We naturally want a girl in our lives. Girls only like ass-holes. Guys become ass-holes to adjust. It's natural. Don't blame us.

   Being a FEMALE is a matter of BIRTH, being a WOMAN is a matter of AGE, but being a LADY is a matter of CHOICE...

   One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.

   My Mom + My Dad - Condom = Greatest Person Ever

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   If two people are happy together... you leave them the fu&k alone.