BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Let us all take a moment, and be thankful that spiders can't fly.

   Listen, I'm not fat ok, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only time I update my status is when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time

   I just put on a jacket I last wore at a wedding in 2002. And found Nokia 3210 in the pocket. It still has 2 bars of battery left.

   Every time I fart in my office, it's always 2 seconds before someone decides to walk in.

   My iPhone just auto-corrected "f?ck you" to "whatever you say honey

   Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, look at phone, check Facebook…  

   I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.

   Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels.

   A relationship should be between (^__^) & (^__^) NOT (^__^) & (^__^) + (-_(-_(-_-)_-)_-) + FACEBOOK

   Harry Potter brand condoms: Protect your Slytherin from Hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener.

   You unfriended me? Wow, you sure taught me a lesson.

   Facebook needs a "Meh" button.

   If your relationship status says, " It's complicated" then you're single!!!!!!

   LIKE if you're still stuck at the Kid's table.

   i gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me

   Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you "Yeah.. So is a grenade.?

   Women, when it comes to doggy style, men are behind you 100%

   My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.