life Funny Status Messages

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.

   People who squirt Ketchup all over their fries instead of dipping them are not people you want in your life.

   If you look at life like a piano where the white keys represent happiness & the black keys represent sadness. As life goes on you realize the black keys make music too...d;^)

   They say, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Maybe its just me but........wont you get........chocolate??

   When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining.

   When it comes to sex, women who date asians appreciate the smaller things in life.

   My sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. Your welcome!

   The alphabet is a lot like life, except in life we don't like to mention our X's

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

   I used to be Pro Life until I found out Kim Kardashian was pregnant!

   I had a life once . . . now I have a computer and a modem

   Marriage is hard. Marriage is so hard Nelson Mandela got divorce. He spend 27 years in prison getting tortured and beaten everyday of his life for 27 years. He got out of jail, spent 6 months with his wife, and said. I CANT TAKE THIS SHI%

   7 years ago I met the love of my life and have been blessed every day since then... I love you Nutella.

   Why do people say you can;t have your cake and eat it too? That is the complete opposite of every cake having experience I have had in my life.

   A man's life is spent between episodes of women being mad at him.

   Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it....

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   The opinion of strangers on the Internet is the most important thing in life.