bego Funny Status Messages

   Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can start getting some s$it done.

   Do not be sad if people preferred another one on you .. It's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries sweeter than bananas

   I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.

   Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak cat.

   Obama probably called Romney and said "I don't see how you can hate from outside the White House, you can't even get in.

   I'm not saying she is a slut, but she calls her underwear "ankle warmers"

   The PT Cruiser is probably the most expensive form of birth control.

   The term "good girl" becomes irrelevant if she is hanging out after 2AM.

   Everybody hates that as$hole that takes 5 minutes to back into a parking spot.

   Dear 'K", Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, Got nothing to say.

   Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most...but it's up to you to decide who you live through the pain for...

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 form

   They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.

   Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.

   Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I’m asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!

   I once bought shoes in China that said “made around the corner”

   I hate it when Facebook doesn't trust me while sending friend request.

   You know I don't care about losing some people that don't wanna be in my life anymore, I lost people that meant the WORLD to me and I am still doing just fine.

   there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?