SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Just wrote my rent check in hieroglyphics, that should delay things for a while.

   I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

   Which sounds classier, "dong," or "schlong?" I'm writing a letter to my grandmother.

   If you don't already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.

   Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.

   The two words that get me in the most trouble are "Why Not?"

   I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.

   Would You Like a Table?” … “No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”

   Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?

   Maybe the economy wouldn't seem so bad if we put happier pictures on money. Like George Washington on a jetski.

   I was flipping through the Victoria's Secret catalogue and now I have a craving for ribs.

   Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of sh!t some people are.

   I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

   The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.

   I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible sh!t.

   Lighters should have an attached sticker that reads: Caution: Will go missing in a week.

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   I say they give all politicains the Federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour....See how fast things change then!!!!

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.