santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   My mom has been attending her own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.

   Starting today, anyone who even mildly annoys me is having their number handed out to every child I come across, and told that it's Santa's hotline.

   The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best.

   Why are you all still shooting off fireworks? It's July 8th for crying out loud! One of them flew off course and almost hit my Christmas tree!

   I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road

   How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing it’s on the house!

   Today's advice: sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home.

   I hate to break it to ya, ladies... but those Christmas cookies you bake every holiday season? Not that good.

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If any of you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it.. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Don't forget to tip your food delivery drivers this Christmas as Santa is watching, who's also a delivery guy.

   I’d like to be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas

   I didn't even know what to buy people for Christmas until I heard about these exploding pagers and walki-talkies.

   It's finally November! That means it's time I get to start saying the two words everybody wants to hear: Merry Christmas!

   Oh, so you're preparing turkey again for Christmas? Twice in one month. Kudos to you. I'm overwhelmed by your imagination.