SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say.

   For those of you concerned about my upcoming birthday and struggling for ideas as to what to get me this year, I have registered for gifts at the liquor store…

   As for my solicitation of prostitution charge Your Honor, I would like it dismissed under of the Dire Straits "Chicks for free" act of 1985.

   I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic...

   Everyday, I brush my teeth & say "That's it. You can't squeeze anymore toothpaste out of this tube." Then everyday, I do.

   HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.

   "We have to get together sometime!" is a just another way of saying, "I regret running into you."

   Hackers leak rare photos of Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus wearing clothing.

   my bodies a temple...Well more like a catholic church,, full of wine bread and guilt...

   Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is…

   Dear kids snorting rubbers don't worry,, Your parents didn't know how to use them properly either...

   In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.

   I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

   I gave my wife a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.

   Let's leave Florida out of it next time. They've got enough on their plate, no need to burden them with national concerns.

   Chris Brown is adding vocals from Aaliyah to his new song. Congratulations on making a plane crash the 2nd worst thing to happen to Aaliyah.

   If you're going to carry on a cellphone conversation in the men's room you can count on me to make HORRIBLE noises and flush every two seconds.

   I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant could also be called I Didn't Realize I Was Retarded.

   If you're using a shopping cart at the liquor store I'm going to hit on you

   My favorite Black Friday tradition is watching the day's Walmart tramplings on the evening news.