Cj Funny Status Messages

   Summer where all the days run into each other and every day is a saturday night!

   Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"

   Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

   trying to decide if I has an attitude problem today, or not.

   There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

   •When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

   I want to learn the Vietnamese language so I can sit here and understand the ladies doing pedicures. Between their tone and their giggles, I know they're talking Sh*t!!

   Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and enjoy life!!

   Excuses are like backsides. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

   “So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

   B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.

   Clothes are half of what makes a man who he is. Take your favorite super hero, put him in drag, is he still your favorite?

   My blood type is Dutch Bros.

   Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."

   So here's the deal... If I wanna hear about god or religion I'll go to church... So, if I delete you... You know why, Just a heads up....

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   Just got my confirmation! I'm on the guest list for Charlie Sheen's Brews, Blow & Hoe's party.

   Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!

   You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.

   just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last