Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Every day is a half day, if you just leave.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You learn nothing from life if you think that you’re right all the time.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When we were young, we were given the impression that strangers would offer us drugs much more often than has happened in real life.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope this e-mail doesn’t find you. Hope you’ve escaped and are free.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, taking them out is like Jenga.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no water in hell, only a bunch of sick jokes about pee-pees.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your face makes onions cry.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations, everyone who heard what you just said had their IQ drop 90 points.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before Therapy: I hate people. After Therapy: I feel good about hating people.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have ever sat on the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since it’s been brought to my attention that you can say Covid 19 to the tune of, Come on Eileen, I’ve been unable to read it any other way.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people tell me “you’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon, because I’m a problem solver.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s cute when you try to string words into a complete sentence.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a dog wags it’s tail, it’s happy. When a cat wags it’s tail, step back.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  




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