SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   They took my happy meal.... I took their happiness.

   Dear Curiosity, Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.

   there an instrument called the didgeridon't? Because there should be.

   If Black Friday involved gunplay, I would have been up hours ago. And turned one on myself.

   I wanted to make a girl experience multiple climaxes, so I made her watch the last half hour of 'Star Wars Episode III.'

   If I seem disinterested it's only because I'm a terrible actor.

   Stop 2nd guessing yourself! No seriously you should be 7th guessing yourself instead.

   When your hands are tied, backs against the wall & swept off your feet all at once it clearly means you're a hostage.

   Is there an Elf Yourself type eCard service for condolences?

   I just threw a D battery through my neighbor's window because he played 2 Sublime songs in a row.

   You have to be one thing or the other because if you're always about to be something then you're nothing.

   Facebook went public, because even they couldn't figure out the Privacy Settings.

   Like Johnny Cash, I walk the line. Mine's the one between "total slob" and "extreme hoarder."

   In my family, we always celebrate 11/11/11 on the evening of 11/10/11. Like they did in the Bible.

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   Just drank warm orange juice after I had brushed my teeth, and now reciting "Jabberwocky" in Spanish is my only means of communication.

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   America, we are out of toilet paper.

   If Jesus guides Tebow on the field, he also guides me through the buffet at Sizzler, so please achieve peace with that.

   Going to the stores and hiding nuggets of weed in nutcracker mouths is how I like to unleash social entropy during this time of year.