SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   A boy named Suh just gave up a lot of Johnny Cash.

   Fracking - because only man would want to create something so toxic it can kill rocks.

   We hate what we do not understand. I'm not really sure what that phrase means, but it's stupid!

   "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" is a fancy way of saying "You look hot!"

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge… how the Hell did that get there?

   My tweets have been squeaky clean today. Like a French woman's cute little petunia after a visit to the bidet!

   Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel.

   Saw the pictures of the Hooters girls who were fired due to weight discrimination? Now I'm in the mood for Wings, Muffin Tops & Camel Toes

   Native American ghosts spend Thanksgiving Day at backyard football games, tearing 40 y.o. white dudes achilles tendons.

   Just smoked some dried cat poop that I thought was weed, and now I think I'm turning Siamese!

   Kim Jong II is dead & things aren't looking so hot for his official lookalikes either.

   I need a new belt but hate shopping. Time to become a boxer.

   I'm opening a new restaurant to compete with TGI Fridays called Sucky Tuesdays.

   Remember the days when the best way to sharpen your robbing and murdering skills was to get yourself involved in Texas cheerleading?

   When I think about snow, it's a lot like thinking about sex. I want to ride it, bask in its glory, & go down on it.

   Right now I'm just eating oatmeal and then after that I don't know what. I am a man without limits. Also not wearing pants.

   I can't believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”.

   I bet a spider has a great "web sight"!!

   Frankincense: an aromatic resin used since ancient times in religious rites. Do not confuse with Frankincense's Monster, an affront to God.

   I can wake up at random intervals, crying and hungry too, so screw you babies.