SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Ambulances are SUCH drama queens.

   Fair is fair but sometimes unfair is still kinda fair comparatively.

   That new survey says that 33 is the happiest age but somehow I think Jesus and John Belushi might disagree.

   Getting a lot of nice things said to me lately. I don't believe a word of it.

   It's taken me this long to realize "Eurozone Crisis" wasn't referring to a woman's underarm area.

   During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

   My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display like a museum.

   I'm now willing to admit that we're stuck with polka dots. They're not f***ing going anywhere.

   Jimmy cracked cocaine, and suddenly everyone cared.

   At 24 Hour Fitness. Trying to get them to stay open an extra hour so I can really take things to the next level.

   #fatgirlstrippernames: Dolores Umbridge... and now your life is scarred forever with that mental image.

   Just overheard two foodies debating the best way to make Thanksgiving gravy. It was like my ears were being waterboarded.

   The cheese I'm eating right now isn't very tasty. It feels good to share my feelings.

   Is there a High Council of Nazi Elders? To whom do we report these bathroom graffiti artists who are drawing their swastikas backwards?

   If I ever get arrested.......again..... My one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there......again.

   I think we should follow new people.

   Great news! I'm declaring a national strike. Nobody go to work.

   I wish there was a way to convert my skill at playing drums on the steering wheel into friends or happiness.

   "That wasn't eggnog!" is a popular thing to yell this time of year, but I'm trying real hard not to yell it much.

   I only need to learn that one yoga pose where I can tweet from a public bathroom without bare skin touching anything.