BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans.

   There is nothing worse than when the car in front of you stops at a yellow light and you have to get home to take a dump.

   The 3 scariest words your girlfriend can ever say to you... "notice anything different?"

   It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper

   Im so happy Facebook wasnt around when I was in high school.

   To be honest, I really don't give a damn. I lose friends, I make friends, and I make enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to be me.

   “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook

   Marriage; the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy a license.

   The later it gets at night, the funnier everything is. When you're laughing at nothing...it's time to go to bed.

   I really don't mind getting up and going to work every day. It's the part about staying there for 8 hours that I have a problem with.

   Valentines Day is almost here! I still can't find my handcuffs and whip!!

   In a court of law you're innocent until proven guilty. In a relationship you're guilty until proven innocent.

   There's a good chance you don't like me. But an even better chance I don't care.

   When I die, I'm going to have the Tetris theme played at my funeral... just as my coffin is being lowered into the ground.

   Nothing makes you look younger than an old photo.

   I hate long distance relationships , the fridge is so far from my bed

   The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, “Damn That’s how I want you to do it.”

   u have twitter?-yes- facebook? -yes- tumblr? -yes- blog?-of course- life? I opened an account but I don't really use it!.

   Don’t be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they’re still getting an answer.

   Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.